Pen Nazi
I get irrationally angry when people at my office take my Pilot G2 pens away from my desk. There’s a reason I keep the Staples brand .10 cent pens in the supply closet and the over $1 per pen G2’s at my desk. They’re mine. No I didn’t pay for them, but I order the supplies so I get to be a pen nazi. You stay away from my desk and you stay away from my fine writing implements!
Same, I’m always all “why are you even looking at my pens you know you can’t use them” or “if you don’t return it I’ll see to it that you’re dealt with”. And then I shoot them a look to show them I am that crazy and that, yes, I do mean it.