aloha nico.

Bill Simmons’ ‘The Hills’ Thesis

peterwknox:

I woke up six minutes into “The Hills” and the Sports Gal refused to change the channel because Audrina slept in Brody Jenner’s bed in Hawaii and Brody’s Playmate girlfriend was furious about it. These are the moments when Bruce Jenner feels proud for all the sacrifices he made trying to win that Olympic gold medal in 1976. But this led to an awesome moment in Twisted Female Logic when Audrina’s friend LC then blamed Brody for not sticking up for Audrina and siding with his girlfriend because it was Brody’s fault that he didn’t kick Audrina out of his bed because he was in a relationship and Audrina was single, so, really, it was up to HIM to do the right thing. No blame for Audrina for going after someone else’s dude? Really, LC? I sided with Brody, the Sports Gal sided with LC, and I’m ashamed to admit we actually argued about this for 20 minutes.

My argument in three parts: (A) Audrina is a tramp, (B) all women are natural enemies even if they pretend this isn’t the case, and (C) a single woman will always do whatever it takes to land someone as appealing as Bruce Jenner’s untalented but handsome son, even if it means seducing him on a reality-TV show and promising secrecy with him even though that show will be airing two months later.

The Sports Gal refused to admit I was right and claims she knows plenty of women who wouldn’t do this. When I asked her to name these women, she named a bunch of her married friends, which indirectly proved my point: nearly all SINGLE woman between the ages of 25-40 will do whatever it takes to land an appealing male, even if that means trashing whatever female code of ethics that allegedly exists. This is why women don’t trust other women. This is why Hollywood makes movies in which Ali Larter tries to steal Stringer Bell from Beyonce. You never see a movie in which Stringer Bell tries to steal Beyonce from Omar Epps. Why? Because no guy would like that movie. It would just make us angry. We would sit there thinking, “That’s not cool; this would never happen.” But if I took the Sports Gal to see “Obsessed,” she would say, “I can’t believe Beyonce is letting this happen,” or “I would have sniffed this girl out 20 minutes ago.” In other words, SHE WOULD IDENTIFY WITH BEYONCE’S CHARACTER just because they’re both women and they know how other women operate!!!!! You’re damned right I had to use CAPS and three exclamation points. Sorry, I win this argument. I just do. (via)

Wai-wai-wait. Is this for real? Brody should have no blame for CHEATING ON HIS GIRLFRIEND? Because he is a poor, stupid man who cannot control himself in the vicinity of so-called tramps? Are you fucking for real? PWK, are you for real in believing this bullshit?

Yes, Audrina takes some blame for hooking up with a dude she knew was in a relationship, but Brody also, in theory, has a brain. Unless Audrina straight-up raped him, he can control where he puts his fucking dick and take the blame for cheating on his girlfriend.

Jesus Christ Almighty.

Agreed. Brody is not a victim of casual circumstance here and it’s not like he got into this mess without first knowing that Audrina had a massive crush on him (she revealed it to everyone earlier in the night).

While actively pursuing someone who’s already ensconced in a relationship, no matter how tenuous it may be, isn’t something I would explicitly encourage, Audrina isn’t the one in a supposedly committed relationship. I wouldn’t go so far as to call Audrina a tramp, she’s a pinch-hitter on Team Hussy at best.

Women are natural enemies? Uh, no. I’m sorry if your exposure to a lifetime of rom coms with conniving carricatures of adult women has led you to this conclusion but it’s simply not the case universally.

Personally, I’m attracted to Brody Jenner, but that’s my own cross to bear.

a single woman will always do whatever it takes to land someone as appealing as Bruce Jenner’s untalented but handsome son

It’s not like she tricked him into bed by feigning some sort of injury that required him to remove his pants to use then as a tourniquet, there wasn’t really any trickery on her part beyond awkwardly choosing to divulge her crush on him to their group of friends and then running away in faux-embarrassment in hopes that he might follow.

Source: peterwknox